Last month’s blog discussed the importance of getting out of your office and visiting with your employees. While time consuming, it’s absolutely time well spent – these interactions can be golden opportunities to build trust. Yes…they can be. However, besides the obvious ones of avoiding discussions on politics, religion and sex, are there other pitfalls that leaders need to remain mindful of?
One of the more arduous tours of duty I had in the Navy was a job that required 60+ hours per week. I knew going in that it would require that level of effort – it simply came with the territory. I girded myself for a demanding tour. Despite the long hours, I knew this would help me grow as a leader and I was very excited about the opportunity.
A quick and respectful conversation with a direct report can make you more approachable. A long harangue will not.
At that time, my wife (Kris) and I still had children in school and living at home. I’ve always been mindful of my work-life balance. However, I knew this tour was going to be a challenge and vowed to be wary of neglecting my family.
What I did not factor into my time management equation was a boss who would enter my work space at the end of every day and talk for an extended period of time about mostly non-worked related topics. It was certainly productive at first as it strengthened our relationship and I knew his heart was in the right place. However, after a month or so, I started to resent these conversations. I wanted to get home at a reasonable hour and be with my family.
It’s important to know that I love a quick banter with colleagues around the water cooler on any number of topics – family, hobbies, sports, news, etc. The important word here is “quick”. The challenge that I faced with my boss is that these conversations were not quick. They would extend for lengthy periods – 15, 20, 30 minutes at a clip.
I know what you’re thinking, “You should have dropped subtle hints”. You know, the obvious ones – start cleaning up the desk area, tactfully mention a family event that evening, or the ever-popular ploy of leaving your briefcase in the only other chair in your office. None worked.
Leaders need to be mindful that no one is going to tell them to stop talking.
In retrospect, it’s obvious that I should have simply approached my boss in a respectful and calm manner. I did consider this. However, he was my boss. He held my future in his hands. The challenge was that I was not sure how such a conversation would go…and, ultimately, how it would affect our relationship. I weighed my options and, as painful as it was, I decided to ride it out.
Here’s the vitally important lesson that I learned from this experience: no one is going to tell the boss to stop talking.
It’s easy to end a conversation with a colleague with a quick, “Great talking to you but I’ve got to go…let’s catch up later!”
Not so with a boss. Employees will appear simply riveted as the boss provides a detailed play by play description of his 12-year-old daughter’s latest soccer game. While they appear captivated, the unlucky employee is desperately scrambling for some way…any way…to escape…of course, without harming the relationship. Not a fun position to be in.
Be genuinely interested in other people and encourage others to talk about themselves.
I was recently introduced to an acronym that fits this theme perfectly. It’s “WAIT”, which stand for “Why Am I Talking”. It’s an excellent reminder that bantering with direct reports is a two-edge sword.
While friendly banter with direct reports is an excellent way to build trust, drive out fear, and make you more approachable, leaders need to be mindful that no one is going to tell them to stop talking.
Be respectful of others time. This is an excellent opportunity to employ a couple of lessons from Dale Carnegies classic book “How to win friends and influence people”. Specifically, be genuinely interested in other people and encourage others to talk about themselves.
Like all interactions, conversations with direct reports will either build or erode trust. A quick and respectful conversation with a direct report can make you more approachable. A long harangue will not.
Remember the acronym “WAIT”, encourage others to talk about themselves, and be respectful of their time. With that in mind, be a great leader and get out there and banter with your employees!