Early on in my Navy career I was selected for a job that would require 60+ hours per week of my time. I girded myself for a demanding tour. Despite the long hours, I knew this would help me grow as a leader and was excited about the opportunity!
At that time, my wife Kris and I had young children. I’ve always been mindful of my work-life balance. However, I knew this tour was going to be a challenge. I vowed to be wary of neglecting my young family.
Be mindful that no one is going to tell the boss to stop talking.
What I didn’t factor into my time management equation was a boss who would enter my workspace at the end of every day and talk for an extended period of time about non-work-related topics. I knew my boss’s heart was in the right place – these conversations helped strengthen our relationship. However, after a month or so, I started to resent them. I wanted to get home at a reasonable hour to be with my family.
It’s important to know that I love a quick banter with colleagues around the water cooler on any number of topics—family, hobbies, sports, news, etc. These quick interactions help build trust. The key word here is ‘quick’. The challenge that I faced with my boss is that these conversations were anything but quick. They would extend for lengthy periods—15, 20, 30 minutes or more.
A quick and respectful conversation with a direct report can make a leader more approachable. Monopolizing the conversation will not.
I dropped subtle hints. I’d start cleaning up the desk area or tactfully mention a family event that evening. Nothing worked. In retrospect, it’s obvious that I should’ve simply approached my boss and had a respectful and calm discussion about how these lengthy conversations were impacting my work-life balance. I did consider this. However, he was my boss. He had much influence over my professional future. I wasn’t sure how such a conversation would go. It was risky. Ultimately, I weighed my options and, as painful as it was, decided to ride it out.
Here’s the vitally important lesson that I learned from this experience: no one is going to tell the boss to stop talking.
With a colleague it’s easy to end a conversation with a quick, “Great talking to you but I’ve got to go. Let’s catch up later!”
Not so with a boss. Employees will appear riveted as the boss provides a detailed play-by-play description of their 12-year-old daughter’s latest soccer game. While they appear captivated, the unlucky employee is desperately scrambling for some way—any way—to escape without harming the relationship. Not a fun position to be in. I’m sure I committed this mistake during my leadership journey. It’s an easy trap to fall into.
I was recently introduced to an acronym that fits this theme perfectly. It’s “WAIT,” which stand for “Why Am I Talking.” It’s an excellent reminder that bantering with direct reports is a double-edged sword.
Be mindful that no one is going to tell the boss to stop talking. It’s incumbent upon you, as the leader, to keep conversations appropriately short. Be respectful of other’s time.
Like all interactions, conversations with direct reports will either build trust or erode trust. A quick and respectful conversation with a direct report can make a leader more approachable. Monopolizing the conversation will not.
Be a great leader. Be mindful and respect other’s time. Keep your friendly banter conversations appropriately short.